David Carradine's Sex Accident

And just so I can get it out of the way, if I were to write a list of my top ten favourite breakdowns ever, here’s what it would look like:

‘The Bloodening’ Johnny Truant
‘Blue 42’ Haste The Day
‘This Lying World’ Unearth
‘The Painkiller’ Bleeding Through
‘The Year Summer Ended In June’ Misery Signals
‘Chaney Can’t Quite Riff Like Helmet’s Page Hamilton’ Evergreen Terrace
‘The Logic Of Crocodiles’ Every Time I Die
‘Losing It’ Bury Your Dead
‘Face:Face’ Norma Jean
‘The Faded Line’ Lamb Of God

Feel free to disagree.

Mirand Kerr Naked!

It seems to me that when a fair percentage of the heavy-music listening public, particularly the younger demographics, are discussing the latest release from any given band, the final verdict of the album is justified entirely by the perceived quality of the album’s breakdowns. These justifications seem to come at the expense of the other 95% (or in The Devil Wears Prada’s case the other 2%) of the music which isn’t a breakdown, seemingly ignoring the fact that the band do other things besides open-chord chugga-chuggas. In an effort to recognize actually talented bands (ie. not Escape The Fate) I’ve written this short list, giving credit for some of the ridiculously cool, spine-tingle inducing and blatantly brutal musical snippets that I get stoked on which aren’t simply an excuse for greened-out 14 year old scene kids to punch each other.

“Concubine” Converge (0:00-0:20)
Every time I listen to this, I always end up reminiscing about that cool bit in Gladiator when Russell Crowe bellows at his troops ‘On my signal, UNLEASH HELL!’ Jacob Bannon and Co. lull the listener into a false sense of security with an offbeat, Botch-esque build-up before setting loose an enormous wall of brain-splitting white noise. More brutal than Conan The Barbarian cracking walnuts with his bare hands.

“The Perfect Design” Dillinger Escape Plan (0:50-1:15)
One of the many reasons Dillinger Escape Plan are so cool is their ability to drop heavily syncopated, jazz or funk inflected interludes between their patented slabs of mathcore shredding. This is a perfect example.

“Lies Of Serpents, River Of Tears” Zao (0:00-0:50)
It’s hard to deny that this bit is already badass, but when listened to in the context of its place in the history of Zao it attains an almost legendary status. Zao had already released one album (Splinter Shards…) at this point and garnered a wealth of faithful fans who totally dug their Earth Crisis-influenced hardcore grooves and the masculine, evangelistic delivery of vocalist Eric Reeder. After the release of Splinter, Zao drummer Jesse Smith fired every member of the line-up, formed an entirely new Zao and recorded the seminal Where Blood And Fire Bring Rest. Needless to say, the Zao faithful waited with knives out for the release of Blood And Fire, particularly awaiting to criticize the vocal successor to the beloved Reeder. In response to this, the new vocalist Dan Weyandt whispers the first 35 seconds of Lies Of Serpents, before unleashing an epic, throat-tearing vocal line that immediately turned knives to praises and inspired a generation of inferior imitators (eg. Haste The Day, Mortal Treason).

“Bloodmeat” Protest The Hero (2:24-3:27)
The majority of Rody Walkers’s delivery could easily be compared to what the speed-addicted love-child arising from the imaginary mating of Serj Tankian and Daron Malakian would sound like and is easily the most divisive factor in Protest The Hero’s overall appeal. Despite predominantly agreeing with the haters who bought the vocal-free version of Fortress, I find the climactic chorus in Bloodmeat an enormously inspired piece of vocal work from Rody and a soaring tribute to what could occur when Protest The Hero finally learn to write a song properly.

“The End Of A Dark Campaign” Oh, Sleeper (-0:04-0:10)
I won’t deny the fact that Oh, Sleeper are easily one of my favorite heavy bands ever, but there are obviously reasons for this. And this is one of them. ‘I’ve been hit! Oh my God, oh my God!’ Transitioning from the downbeat climax of Revelations In The Calm to a single track of Micah Kinard’s heavy breathing which builds quickly before unleashing a vocal line which surely left Kinard coughing blood and pieces of lung.

“Ants Of The Sky” Between The Buried And Me (0:00-1:21)
There is more musicianship, songwriting and general awesomeness in the first 81 seconds of this song than the sum total of Avenged Sevenfold, Bullet For My Valentine and Atreyu’s entire discographies.

“Sorceress” Cancer Bats (0:19-0:39)
Proving equally that hardcore punk can get a dancefloor moving and that less really is more, the best bit off the Bats latest album ‘Hail, Destroyer’ manages to out mosh’n’roll Every Time I Die and out cool The Bronx. If the Fonz ever recorded a solo album in which he played every instrument this is what it would sound like.

“And Then Came Then…” The Chariot (4:03-4:42)
Whilst The Chariot’s output could normally be bettered by Nickleback wielding off-tuned ukuleles and a dog whistle, this little burst of spine-tingling utilized orchestra is a bright beacon of hope for anyone wanting to believe The Chariot don’t actually suck as bad as anything else Josh Scogin has been involved in.

“Weight Of The World” Misery Signals (1:09-1:55)
Misery Signals have always had the fairly unique ability to write highly melodic music with a simultaneously brutal undertow and their aptitude for creating highly technical guitar riffs which don’t revolve around wanky 6-string sweeps is unparalleled. The chorus part off ‘Weight Of The World’ soars with a flurry of notes wrapped in delay, building to breaking point before dropping into an earth-shattering groove that once and for all proves that you don’t have to write breakdowns to be brutal.

“Of Want And Misery…” As Cities Burn (4:35-5:49)
After alternately brooding and screaming through the previous nine tracks on the incidentally phenomenal and extremely apocalyptic ‘Son, I Loved You At Your Darkest’ As Cities Burn pull out a simple 3-chord coda to end the album with a touch of melancholic redemption. Screamo music was created simply so moments like this can exist and I dare anyone to prove otherwise.

If you’ve read this and have no idea what the hell I’m talking about, go on YouTube, look up the songs and listen to the specified portions. Or if you don’t care, then don’t. If you have any better suggestions leave them here so I can argue with you.

Best Enjoyed With...

AFI 'Sing The Sorrow'

Made with: a generous spoonful of emo bandwagon jumping, 2 servings of Edgar Allan Poe and half a piece of the Halloween soundtrack.

Best enjoyed with: a black t-shirt and teenage hormones.

UnderOath 'They're Only Chasing Safety'

Made with: a sprinkling of unnecessary electronics, 4 generous ladles of monotone screaming and 11 standardised pop-punk choruses.

Best enjoyed with: a hair straightener and a heart full of angst.

Bring Me The Horizon 'Count Your Blessings'

Made with: 1 part misogynist propaganda, 3 portions of overused breakdowns and 1/2 a cup of Oli Sykes' urine.

Best enjoyed with: a chronic acne breakout, a fringe-happy haircut and Hungry Jacks.

Nirvana 'Best Of...'

Made with: 2 generous slices of flannel, 1 part custody battle and a splash of teen spirit.

Best enjoyed with: a shotgun and a copy of REM's 'Automatic For The People'.

Metallica 'St Anger'

Made with: 3 parts nu-metal thrash riffs, 2 scoops of adolescent lyricism and an essence of dysfunctional documentary fodder.

Best enjoyed with: a copy of 'Master of Puppets'

The Devil Wears Prada "With Roots Above And Branches Below"

A heavily intoxicated conversation from a recently attended house party between me and a couple random friends of a friend.

Me: Oi, has anyone heard the new Devil Wears Prada album?
Random 1, 2 and 3: Yeah.
Random 1: Its brootal as! The first song is so brootal!
Random 2: Its better than their last album.
Me: It sounds exactly the same as their last album.
Random 1: No it doesn't.
Me: How does it not?
Random 1: I don't know it's got like different songs and there's more breakdowns.
Random 3: Yeah.

So, Devil Wears Prada 'With Roots Above And Branches Below'; plus points for excessive breakdowns, overwhelming brootalness and more homogenous sounding songs than AC/DC's entire career. Best enjoyed if you are 13 years old, angry at your Mum for not letting you get your septum pierced and haven't heard of Misery Signals yet.

Brand New "The Devil And God Are Raging Inside Me"

The winter chill caresses my face like the touch of a thousand sirens, begging me not to beget my regret and become another remorseful dreamer. Lies are the downfall of any human relationship, no exceptions. What has been said can’t be taken again, nor twisted into a more mutually acceptable knot. The knot is untied and so am I and nothing can tie it back.

Walking is as honest as it gets and I have paced hundreds of midnight miles around the kitchen floor, wearing an oblong and discolored racetrack into the linoleum. If she does know she doesn’t say but tosses and turns every night, and mutters into her pillow. The embers are dead and the house is freezing, a silent and cold ghost echoing with fond nostalgia.

The demons of youth whisper with a once convincing fervor but can be dismissed now by the hand of experience and age. What was considered previously is now foolish but is still looked upon with tender remembrance and a longing for a return to naivety. The longing feels wrong but can’t be denied, instinct is not worth fighting and will always trump rational thought.

I can only consider how far it would have gone if I weren’t found out, how far I would have gone without feeling the sting of consequence. Too many sleepless nights have passed in consideration and acceptance is the only possible solution. Atonement is easy, forgiveness is harder but they are simply the price of the impossibility of permission.

Nothing is learnt by not making mistakes and pain only makes it easier the second time round. Beauty supreme, yeah you were right about me.

Punk Goes Crap!

Recording cover songs has always been a popular and easy choice for artists representing any genre of music, but the current spate of ‘Punk Goes…’ compilations have really started to represent a very annoying trend in today’s hardcore scene. For those unfamiliar with these titles, the ‘Punk Goes…’ compilations feature a number of popular hardcore or punk bands covering songs relating to the theme of the compilation eg. ‘Punk Goes Pop’ or ‘Punk Goes 80’s’.

My main problem with these compilations is that they really are nothing but a cheap money grab, sold to 15 year old scene kids by virtue of the band names emblazoned across the cover sticker. The creators of ‘Punk Goes…’ should actually feel a little guilty about the high sales of their fairly crap products, as market research has conclusively proven that any kid who owns at least one pair of Macbeths, has 14mm+ stretchers and has been to a Taste Of Chaos event find it impossible not to spend their McDonald’s wages on any product with the words ‘August Burns Red’ physically attached to it. This phenomenon can apply to anything, and was even proven successful in getting this demographic to buy soap and wash their hair.

Despite the achievement of being associated with a Gold-selling compilation, I find it quite puzzling as to why the artists themselves would willfully choose to be involved with the ‘Punk Goes…’ titles. It seems to me that the general point of appearing on a compilation would be to get your band’s actual music some exposure, albeit only through one or two songs (depending on the compilation). Besides the benefit of having your band’s name on the back of the case, it seems very unwise to have your presumed artistic proficiency and integrity represented to your target audience via a mildy-amusing and hopefully very self-deprecating cover of Rihanna. Whilst ridiculously heavy bands covering extremely light-weight Top 40 material can be entertaining, it definitely does not do anything to recommend the covering band’s original material. If your most popular song is a cover it does not mean you are a good band/musician, it means you’re Jeff Buckley.

And we all know what happened to Jeff.

An Interview With Ben Rama Trash People

Today we're interviewing the notorious BenRama TrashPeople (yes, that song was written about him) - renowned Australian indie-DJ, CEO of FANS events and slayer of more groupies than Gene Simmon's tongue. Lets see what he has to say...

DAN: Hey BenRama, thanks for talking to me today. Just letting you know this interview will be appearing up on a QUT sponsored blogsite called 'The Gutter Phenomenon" which basically aims to help promote any non-mainstream artists.

BEN: Cool, sounds good.

DAN: Ok, should probably start by asking you what you think of the current Brisbane music scene. Is it large enough to actually get any local bands to a level of national popularity?

BEN: I think the bands are really really good, probably some of the best around at the moment, but it seems to be the culture up here to just hang out in pubs and watch football. The bands are awesome but no one really goes out and sees them.

DAN: So do you think there is enough support for local bands from the general music going public?

BEN: There is a general music going public?

DAN: Apparently.

BEN: I thought it was just me and a few friends.

DAN: So would you then say that you are the indie scene?

BEN: I like indie music.. but about the same as i like all other music. I'm not running out and buying skinny fit jeans. I am getting a hair cut like The Horrors.

DAN: I'm not sure what that looks like. Does it involve a comb-over?

BEN: Nope...like massive hair with heaps of hair spray.

DAN: But you have short hair.

BEN: Thats correct. No, we aren't the indie scene, but it seems to be mainly bands supporting other bands, which is good. But we need more people to go out, see bands, dance around like a dick, pash randoms and fucking party!

DAN: Ummm...you have met me before yes?

BEN: Yes.

DAN: Then you know I am supporting your views on seeing bands, dancing round like a dick, pashing randoms and partying wholeheartedly. But yes, more people should do it to, so we're not so lonesome.

BEN: That's true, so that there are more girls to randomly pash! And bands can be seen more!

DAN: It's not random if it's the same girl 3 weeks in a row.

BEN: Who told you?

DAN: No-one, but the camera never lies. This probably seems as good a point as any for you to tell anyone reading this about FANS.

BEN: You want me talk about FANS?

DAN: You'll have to assume that anyone reading this knows absolutely nothing about it, so explain the concept.

BEN: Ok. FANS started about 8 months ago as an indie club night with bands. The first one we had was with the guys from Bloc Party DJing (at Step Inn) after they played the Riverstage. We have now moved to Alhambra in The Valley and have had people play and DJ like The Music (UK), Bloodhound Gang (USA), Finch (USA), Bluejuice, Philadelphia Grand Jury and so on... We have a few coming up, including a show with Young and Restless playing and Jesse 'The Devil' Hughes (from Eagles Of Death Metal) DJing and then Art vs Science playing too.

We will continue to do messy as fuck indie parties, but we are moving forward as a company and doing new stuff. Like we will be throwing some parties in Sydney and Melbourne soon.

DAN: I heard somewhere you just bought an office?

BEN: Bought?

DAN: Rented?

BEN: We just got an office in The Valley, moved in yesterday and had a party there last night with all the Brisbane bands. Messy as fuck!

DAN: Trashed people?

BEN: Always!

DAN: Where did they ask you guys to set up in Sydney/Melbourne?

BEN: I cant really say where yet, but it is a massive venue in Sydney and we are still sorting out Melbourne.

DAN: Sweet as. So would you be taking Brisbane bands down there, or just be putting on their local bands?

BEN: Hell no. We will be getting bands from everywhere for that but we are taking buses down full of our friends and bands just to come party in Sydney once a month.

DAN: What kind of attendance would you expect from the Sydney and Melbourne scenes for FANS events?

BEN: Sell outs. Same as we get up here.

DAN: Is there any sort of comparison to be made between the Brisbane scene and the Sydney or Melbourne scenes? Or are they all about the same?

BEN: It's been a while since I've been in Melbourne but Sydney definately has more of an indie following, bands are bigger and there are way more venues. Brisbane definately has a lack of venues that bands can play in.

DAN: So do you think thats maybe why Brisbane has less audience support for local bands? Or just that Sydney residents are way more into their indie?

BEN: It's not just about indie, it's all music. Unless you are an R'N'B DJ or a stripper there are hardly any venues for you to perform.

DAN: So true. Would you ever think about incorporating strippers into your live performance?

BEN: I was going to do it last year at Good Vibrations but it didn't end up happening. I would love to do a club show in a strip joint though.

DAN: Actually, last time i saw your whole set you were surrounded by 4 shirtless men at all times. It was a little gay.

BEN: Ha ha.

DAN: Maybe FANS can move to Love & Rockets or the $2 jerk booth strippers.

BEN: Dude, FANS at Love & Rockets would be sweet. We would have to get the right bands for it.

DAN: Eagles Of Death Metal would be badass there. So sleazy. Jesse 'The Devil' Hughes is a strip club.

BEN: Thats what i was thinking! DZ from Brisbane would be good for that, maybe The Mess Hall.

DAN: I can't actually remember what they sounded like, but i'll take your word for it.

BEN: Just really dirty!

DAN: You couldn't really have dance bands.

BEN: Nope.

DAN: Or real folky bands.

BEN: Dirty dirty dirty rock bands! That could be ok.

DAN: Do you think Alahmbra may eventually become too small to contain all the FANS and that you might have to shift to a bigger venue?

BEN: Were you not at FANS on sunday? It's too small now.

DAN: Yeah, it was freaking packed.

BEN: We had a queue for like 2 hours.

DAN: I know. I didn't want to go outside in case I had to go back through the line.

BEN: It's the same every time we do a show, but we love the feel of that venue and the sound is right for us.

DAN: The sound was really, really good on Sunday.

BEN: It's starting to feel like our home, but we are doing shows at other venues.

DAN: I know you did one kinda thing at Rosies, but where else?

BEN: We did one at Step Inn.

DAN: Shit. Yeah forgot about that one, that was the first one with Bloc Party. Step Inn was way too small for that.

BEN: And we did a co-present at Thriller, but all of the normal FANS shows will now be at Alhambra but we will do special one off events at different venues.

DAN: I think Tivoli is kind of the same vibe as Alahmbra.

BEN: I agree.

DAN: Might be nice to do one there.

BEN: We will look at doing something at the Tivoli in about 9 months.

DAN: For local bands or an international touring artist?

BEN: Hmmm..something. Maybe both, maybe neither.

DAN: Ha ha.

BEN: It's actually both.

DAN: Because normally it seems you'll get the famous band to DJ and let all the smaller local bands do their normal thing, which is cool because everyone comes to hang out with the famous people and the local kids get some serious exposure.

BEN: Everyone come out to see me crack my head open. And yeah, thats why we do it that way, some of the locals we have had are now getting some massive support.

DAN: Means your doing something right then. Would you like to descibe the head cracking incident to anyone reading this and which lead singer of which local band was wholly responsible for your subsequent concussion?

BEN: Ha ha. Dommy Rocket! From The Rocketsmiths! BASTARD!

DAN: I heard it was a suplex?

BEN: He tried to put me on his shoulders.

DAN: And failed?

BEN: And then let me go. And then landed on top of me.

DAN: And then you had to be carted off in the ambulance?

BEN: Yeah. A night in hospital, some pain killers and some head scans later - I'm ready to do that shit again!

DAN: That's how hard the parties at FANS go off.

BEN: FUCK YEAH! If you haven't been to FANS it is a seriously dirty, sweaty, messy party! Like the best house party you have ever been to, except unlike a house party Bloc Party, Eagles of Death Metal, The Music and The Fratellis come and hang out!

DAN: I'm sure anyone who's cool enough to read this blog will be cool enough to come out and get destroyed at FANS. I'll probably leave it there.

BEN: Cool.

DAN: Is there a good link or a webpage or something people can go to to get info on FANS?

BEN: http://www.fansclubnight.com/

DAN: Thankyou very much for talking to us today BenRama.

BEN: Fuck off cunt. No problem dude!

DAN: Ha ha, thanks man.

Visit www.fansclubnight.com for more information on upcoming parties. Swear to God it's better than Cloudland and the FANS guys need your money to afford hookers and crack.

Why Zao Are (Probably) The Best Heavy Band Ever

I must admit, when I first heard Zao I absolutely hated them. The song was called trashcanhands, it appeared on an early Solid State compilation and I thought it was absolutely rubbish. Then again, at the time I thought almost all the bands appearing on that particular compilation (including Blindside, Extol and Training For Utopia) were laughable crap.

Over the following years, as my preferences progressed away from Creed and 3 Doors Down and headed towards the heavier end of the musical spectrum, my appreciation and enjoyment for the aforementioned Solid State bands and their equally heavy heathen counterparts gradually increased. Sadly though, even when my tastes had progressed to the point where I was listening to Dillinger Escape Plan to chill-out, I still didn’t manage to make an effort to try out Zao again. This seems a little strange as generally I make an effort to check out the stated influences of many of my favorite bands and Zao’s name was thrown around quite a bit in regards to this. This effort is generally propelled by my incessant urge to be the biggest music snob in the world, able to name-drop derisively and claim that almost all current metalcore is a rip-off of something At The Gates wrote 15 years ago.

Anyways, it was finally a trip to my local indie music stockist, a sudden onset of overwhelming curiosity and an excess of weekly dispensable income that led me to purchase my first Zao-brand item, the ‘Lesser Lights Of Heaven’ DVD. I will gladly admit that my initial reasons for purchasing the DVD were its intriguing cover art and the alluring, handwritten promo sticker affixed to its shrink-wrap, stating something about how Zao had ‘invented metallic hardcore’ (indicating potentially effective name-dropping opportunities).

I hurried home, eagerly unwrapped ‘Lesser Lights’, popped the concert disc into my DVD player and immediately regretted my decision. The sound quality was extremely poor, the singer was fat, had a hideous Misfits-style haircut and kneeled for almost all the set. The drummer used almost no cool ‘double-kicks’, the clean vocals were off-key and the guitar parts were knock-offs of old school Slayer. I ejected the DVD and dejectedly placed it in my pile of ‘What Was I Thinking!’ impulse purchases, which included Fall Out Boy’s “Infinity On High”, a bright green Mohawk beanie and the Ab Swing.

Fast forward to a couple months later and whilst searching for something new to watch, I came across the DVD again, and being in an extremely forgiving mood I decided to give it another go. This time I chose to watch the very lengthy documentary covering the history of Zao as a band, from their inception in 1993 to their state of hiatus in 2007.

Suffice to say I was absolutely transfixed by the engaging and heartbreaking story recounted to me by the personalities appearing in the documentary, from the quietly damaged Dan Weyandt to the outspoken and obnoxious Jesse Smith. The perseverance and complete passion for music which has kept Zao alive was extremely inspiring and the sheer amount of blood, sweat and tears which has fueled their continued existence left me feeling very lazy about my own musical endeavors. Hearing Dan tell the stories from his life which informed Zao’s lyrics had me captivated and slowly filled me with some sort of self-insistence, demanding that I must become a Zao fan, whatever the cost.

With this forced perspective now obscuring my musical preference, I once again attempted to watch some more of the concert footage contained on ‘Lesser Lights’. Strangely this time it started to make sense. I found some sense of catharticism in the oddly simple guitar riffs, a saddening sense of rage and loss in Dan’s vocals and a genuine feeling of honesty imbuing the music presented to me. Perhaps it is my inbuilt Australian mentality to always root for the underdog but I began to feel a strong sense of connection with the odd music and ever-changing line-up of the entity which is Zao. To this day I still have an enormous soft-spot for Zao, which has led me to slowly collect almost all of their musical output, from the album with their ‘original’ line-up, 'All Else Failed', to their split EP with Training For Utopia. In fact, if it were to be announced that Zao’s new and soon-to-be forthcoming album ‘Awake?’ was recorded on dictation tape, featured only one original song and ten remixes with guest vocals from Lady GaGa I would still buy it. Hell, I’d order the special edition with the free coffee mug and Zao mouse pad off Zambooie.com.

When it comes down to it, my continued love affair with Zao is based completely upon their individualistic determinations and the fact that their music can legitimately scare the crap out of me. Originally touted as a ‘Christian band’, Zao have always drawn fire from the conservative Christian sect due to their black metal-ish sound and their adherence to a more liberal take on Christianity. Conservative Christians still seem to think rock’n’roll is of the Devil, so a self-proclaimed Christian band with a singer who actually sounds like Satan was always going to be a controversial topic amongst this demographic. The insane darkness of Dan’s lyrics and his unintelligible snake-like delivery is genuinely frightening, but I personally believe that if Christian metal bands are going to attempt to bring a fire-and-brimstone approach to their message it should be frightening. Too many Christian bands already exist who attempt to enforce a fire-and-brimstone message with the effectiveness of brightly colored illustrations in a children’s picture Bible.

Basically, no other band in existence can replicate Zao’s iconic sound and style, nor present a more inspiring case of perseverance against all odds. The fact that Zao are still around and recording today is a miracle and hopefully more than their small but dedicated fan base will begin to appreciate this fact. In this day and age there are far too many As I Lay Dying and Underoath clones floating around and not enough band’s attempting to walk the individual and unpopular path Zao have trod their entire career. So listen to some freakin’ Zao because they need the money and they are indeed (probably) the best heavy band ever.

mewithoutyou "Brother, Sister"

I am awoken by a light sprinkle of rain, kissing my forehead like gentle fireflies. The boat rocks back and forth as I sit up, settling as quickly as it had started and resuming a gentle drift northward.

The sky is purple and black, an ominous mural of caged elemental fury, crackling with angry sparks of white. The fog has settled to a low cluster around my boat, laying across the waves like the ghost of lost sailors searching for land. The ghost is thinning, pulled apart slowly by the gentle wind and forced to spread its searching tendrils amongst the expanse of infinite sea.

The eye of the storm is the safest place to float, but the ominous thunder of chariots and wrath promise no security on the other side. My body is covered in ink blue tattoos, a reminder and an identification of self for a sailor lost at sea. A floating body can still be identified by its wrinkled tattoos, but all the time in the world couldn’t provide enough ink to give me a name.

Nothing lays below me but the boat and the empty depths and nothing lays above me but the sky and the empty depths.

The fog is clearing.

As Cities Burn "Son, I Loved You At Your Darkest"

Clouds of red dust billow across the barren plain, engulfing the blackened and skeletal remains of a few scattered trees. The tower bell tolls behind me, resonating mournfully through the decrepit remains of the old wooden church, a sad reminder of old hopes. The congregation lays dead and decomposing inside, a tribute to plague and my own broken sense of empathy and honor.

Holistic living does not guarantee a bridge to heaven if your thoughts are still deemed to be impure but it certainly does help with your own sense of self-importance. Whilst outwards debauchery is punishable by a lifetime in exile, hypocrisy ensures a lifetime of false comforts and an eternity of ruin. The inner circles of Hell are ignorant to the fact that every Sunday was spent in the front pew and are simply hungry for the other six days spent in a maelstrom of sin.

A church full of hypocrites only answer to themselves and every attempt to dissuade them was met with the venomous force of a thousand loose tongues and the threat of ex-communication. A black robe and a scattering of rosary beads do not signify a leader, but rather a puppet for the most vocal majority. Strings were knotted and actions were forced upon me that I still cannot defend, nor forgive.

I try to remember what the wooden cross around my neck once stood for but fall short of anything but abandonment. As always, this emptiness leads me into a parallel with the last days of Christ himself, but I dismiss this again as a heretical delusion of grandeur. Christ was only forsaken for his last hours but I have been forsaken my whole life by anything except a few scraps of scripture and a sliver of ill-advised fantasy.

As fervor turns to a genuine sense of doubt, it is only time that stands between me and the apocalypse.

UnderOath "Lost In The Sounds Of Seperation"

From the ferocious opening of 'Breathing In A New Mentality' to subdued closer 'Desolate Earth: The End Is Here' UnderOath have marked their place as one of the most consistently innovative and emotive heavy bands on the scene today.

Following up an album as visceral and original as 'Define The Great Line' would be a daunting assignment for any band, but UnderOath have created a record which furthers their legacy without simply being 'Define The Great Line Mach II'.

Within the course of 'Seperation' the Oath lay down another wall of Isis ambience meets Botch riff-o-rama sound, similiar to the audio textures presented in 'Define' but with more of an industrial bent (eg. the Nine Inch Nails-esque 'Emergency Broadcast: The End Is Near'). The more noticeable presence of Chris Dudley's keyboards and samples are largely responsible for this vibe, with an almost constant contribution of off-beat backing ambience and occasional reverb-drenched electronics breaks.

Guitarists Tim McTague and James Smith along with bassist Grant Brandell bring a constant wave of chordal noise, dissonant riffing and occasional super-syncopated breakdowns to the table, providing an able contribution very similar to the simultaneously ambient/aggresive parts presented in 'Define'. Whilst these parts do little to highlight any of UnderOath's guitarists particular technical skills they do so to the benefit of the songwriting itself, ensuring songs aren't reduced to the technical wankery which seems to afflict a fair percentage of currently popular metal/hardcore bands (eg. Avenged Sevenfold).

Aaron Gillespie compensates for this lack of technicality with another hyperactive, ridiculously creative performance from behind the kit (witness the start of 'The Only Survivor...), launching furious waves of polyrythmic snare rolls and tom fills into the dense guitar-driven soundscape, lending a genuine feel of urgency to 'Seperation'.

Gillespie's vocal contribution is also of the highest calibre but is much less present than previous UnderOath records, leaving plenty of space for frontman Spencer Chamberlain to viciously exorcise his personal demons in another emphatic, desperate vocal performance. Chamberlain's drug and alcohol problems obviously provide inspiration for a bulk of the album's lyrics (eg. 'Breathing In A New Mentality'), creating a genuine sense of catharsis for many of the tracks and lending credibility to the sheer rage personified by his roaring vocal delivery. Chamberlain's range has progressed several yards from his voice on 'Define' and is light years ahead of the monotone, Dallas Taylor-influenced screaming presented on his first record with the Oath, 'They're Only Chasing Safety'. Chamberlain now presents an impressive array of guttural growls, forceful bellows, throat-shredding screams and even a surprisingly impressive singing voice, proving again why he is regarded as one of the best frontmen on today's international hardcore scene.

All in all, 'Lost In The Sounds Of Seperation' is an impressively creative and well-written record, a necessary statement against the currently blastbeat-and-breakdown obsessed metalcore scene, and manages to transcends the genre trappings of a 'hardcore' band and present a hugely intriguing and emotive selection of songs that defy the conventional standards of heavy music itself. Whilst not being a perfect record (it does get a little slow at about the halfway mark), 'Seperation' is a pretty damn good album and a striking addition to UnderOath's sterling discography.

You like, you'll like:
UnderOath - Define The Great Line
Isis - Oceanic
Botch - We Are The Romans
Norma Jean - Vs The Anti-Mother
Oh, Sleeper - When I Am God

A Day To Remember "Homesick"

Homesick is the most recent effort from A Day To Remember, Floridian purveyors of mosh heavy pop-punk and the 'scene band of the moment'.

ADTR (the acronym they shall be referred to from here on in) made their name with their 2007 record For Those Who Have Heart (FTWHH) which combined, in a fairly novel and enjoyable fashion, equal parts of New Found Glory-esque pop-punk and thundering breakdowns reminescent of bands like Bury Your Dead and Stick To Your Guns. Sadly Homesick presents a lazy and quite tedious successor to FTWHH and makes me wonder exactly why I liked ADTR in the first place.

My main problem with this album is its' sheer lack of originality. Homesick seems to be the elephant burial ground where all the discarded and lonely tracks from the FTWHH sessions have come to die a slow and painful death courtesy of rampant overproduction and excessive beatdowns. All the elements which made FTWHH so much fun in the first place (eg. catchy choruses, clever breakdowns) seem to have been purposefully eliminated in favour of extremely stock pop-punk melodies sandwiched between thick and very frequent slabs of open chord breakdowns. I haven't actually heard a record with this many almost identical breakdowns since the last August Burns Red album, and haven't had the same sense of hearing exactly the same song over and over since, well, the last August Burns Red album.

To top it off Homesick also proudly sports guest vocal appearances from the voices behind fellow vendors of sub-par, dumbed-down mosh music The Acacia Strain, Devil Wears Prada and VersaEmerge. Now whilst the acquisition of scene points is essential for a band like ADTR it seems a little pointless to feature vocal contributions from 3 vocalists who all sound exactly the same as Jeremy McKinnon (ADTRs frontman) anyways. As with every other element of Homesick this seems to be a fairly cheap cash-in by ADTR to appeal solely to breakdown-worshipping, Macbeth-wearing and Oli Sykes-fellating scene kids everywhere.

This cheap cash-in (aka Homesick) will inevitably be a huge hit with kids who spell brutal with two O's and own at least 2 Parkway Drive shirts so I have to commend ADTR for making a record that will make them some serious scene cash, it'd just be nice if they could make some decent tunes for the rest of us over 15s to listen to.

You like, you'll like:
A Day To Remember - For Those Who Have Heart
The Devil Wears Prada - Plagues
New Found Glory - Sticks and Stones
Bury Your Dead - Beauty and The Breakdown
August Burns Red - Messengers

10 Worst Trends In Heavy Music Today

1. Deathcore
I am still befuddled as to why most bands labelling themselves as 'deathcore' think it is both creative and clever to write music that consists solely of 200BPM blastbeats commonly followed by either a 40BPM open chord chugga-chugga breakdown or an excessive sweep-picking interlude (possibly broken up by a few pinch harmonics). Yes, we know that your guitarist can shred and that your drummer can gravity blast at obscene tempos but this doesn't mean you can write a song. Being dynamic does not just mean throwing a breakdown between blastbeats, so go buy yourselves a copy of 'Calculating Infinity' and learn how to write some proper technical tunes.
Bands to avoid: Whitechapel, Winds of Plague, Suicide Silence


2. Avenged Sevenfold
If there is a worse looking and sounding band than Avenged Sevenfold in music today I have yet to discover them (the closest I have come so far is Atreyu). Looking like Motley Crue in this day and age is not cool, neither is sounding like Linkin Park mating with Van Halen and having ridiculous stage names like 'Sinister Gates' has never been (nor will ever be) cool. In fact if Avenged Sevenfold were to suddenly begin dressing like GWAR and play only Nickleback covers my opinion of them would increase a thousandfold.
Bands to avoid: Avenged Sevenfold (duh)


3. Screamo/Electronica
Admittedly I can't claim to despise all the bands currently flying this particular genre amalgamation flag on their respective Myspace pages but when it comes to eclectically mixed genres like this the electronica component is simply not an excuse for crap screamo and boring breakdowns. Screamo/electronica is like pancakes and bacon; sometimes the bacon is nice and crispy and the pancakes nice and fluffy (hello Enter Shikari) and othertimes the bacon is flaccid and flavourless and the pancakes are soggy and taste like balls (hello Horse The Band). Unfortunately this genre is overrun by pancakes that taste like balls and thus I am forced to include it on this list.
Bands to avoid: Horse The Band, skyeatsairplane


4. Excessively slow breakdowns
The same kind of kids that get excited about sludgy snails pace breakdowns are the same kind of kids that go to shows to get 'br00tal' in their Bring Me The Horizon t-shirts, get Hungry Jacks after and stick Coke cans in their stretcher holes until their mothers come and pick them up at 10:30. Not that I have a huge problem with these kids, but they will eventually get the idea into their heads to begin compiling lists of their 'totes fav most brootal deathcore breakdowns eva!' and begin posting these compilations on YouTube (accompanied by extremely amateur Powerpoint presentations featuring photos of circle pits), sparking comment from all their Myspace friends who are ordered to watch these pieces of art via spam bulletins with deceptive, hype-inducing headlines (eg. 'OLI SYKES is totes GAY!). These comments will then lead to a kid with the word 'RAWWWWRRR' in their username getting 'paid out' by another kid with the word 'BBLAAARRRGGGG' in their username because they don't know who The Faceless are and Mr RAWWWWRRR will quite publicly (again via Myspace bulletin) announce that he has begun cutting himself regularly and will eventually off himself entirely. And this is not on.
Bands to avoid: With Blood Comes Cleansing, Annotations Of An Autopsy, As Blood Runs Black


5. Gangsta fashion sense
Whilst I'm not a huge fan of cliche' hardcore fashion (black Macbeths, black cut-offs, Comeback Kid t-shirt, fluoro coloured cap with the brim turned up) I am much less a fan of the gangsta dress style that has emerged from the current 'straight-up' hardcore scene. It seems to me that as soon as you put on a baggy white shirt, flat brim Afends cap and get an X tattooed somewhere on your body you automatically begin thinking that everyone is talking smack about you (and your hood) and that your 'Straight Edge Pride' needs to be defended at every possible occasion (insert instance of four dudes with beards in said white shirts beating the crap out of one 16 year old kid in a Cradle Of Filth shirt because he was drinking a UDL outside a gig).
Bands to avoid: Deez Nutz, Bury Your Dead, Stick To Your Guns, Comeback Kid


6. Feedback as 'art'
As with excessively slow breakdowns, music masked by fierce bursts of feedback is a fairly poor excuse for songwriting and is NOT art. I don't care how many pseudo-Christian poems, images of Gothic statues or artfully-blurred live photos you put in your lyric booklet I won't change my mind. References to the fact that you are 'making music for the sake of music and you just want to make music for people like you and not be famous' won't change my mind either. If you want to make music for the sake of music keep it in your backyard shed so your Mum can tell you to shut up at 7pm every night and you can go sulk in your room and reassure yourself that you are a very misunderstood artist.
Bands to avoid: The Chariot


7. Songs that begin with a breakdown
A hardcore song starting with a breakdown is the equivalent of a gangster rap song starting with a ruff-riding beat constructed of gunshot samples. A hardcore song starting with a breakdown is like a U2 concert starting with Bono giving a speech about starving African children. A hardcore song starting with a breakdown is like a 70's horror movie starting with a teenage couple having sex and then being killed by a masked madman when one of them goes outside to investigate a noise. For a genre that is supposed to be all about passion you would think that artists would care enough about their songs to at least try and write a vaguely original start to a song.
Bands to avoid: Johnny Truant, August Burns Red, Unearth


8. Pig squeals
Who the hell decided that it would be a good idea to substitute already hard to distinguish lyrics in death metal songs for actual animal noises? Will we soon be hearing other barnyard noises in place of actual singing (or growling, whichever way you look at it)? If you're going to pig squeal instead of write lyrics why not get an actual pig to perform vocals for your band instead of you? These are the questions that perpetually plague me when I hear bands like Job For A Cowboy so if someone could pass these on to them that'd be really great.
Bands to avoid: Job For A Cowboy, All Shall Perish, Cannibal Corpse


9. Songs with ridiculously inane names
When I first listened to 'Plagues' by DWP, I was honestly expecting the first track to contain lyrics describing the adventures of some 'Goats on A Boat'. I was quite disappointed when I found the song to be some rambling crap about 'searching for security in tragedy' but I had hope for the rest of the album. Sadly I was just as disappointed with the rest of the songs as I was with the opening track. To collate my disappointments; I did not find out why I shouldn't forget Number Three; pondered exactly why HTML Rulez Dood; wondered who this John was and why I had forgotten his name; got obnoxious when I was told not to Dink and Drance; attempted to spell Crap Without a C (and failed miserably); was confused about what This Song Is Called; felt weird meeting Reptar King Of The Ozone; submitted to the Scorpion Deathlock and discovered That Nickels Is (actually) Money Too and wondered why a user of Australian currency would ever give a crap.
Bands to avoid: The Devil Wears Prada, A Day To Remember


10. Band merch with maritime artwork
Whilst pirates are the rockstars of the ocean (and land) it doesn't mean your cool because you include them in your t-shirt designs. You are not a pirate by association. At least Bring Me The Horizon have a piratey name and vaguely piratey songs ('I Used To Make Out With Medusa') but bands like As I Lay Dying have no excuse for trying to cash in on pirate coolness. Maybe if you were called As I Lay Drowning (In Davey Jones' Locker) I might not have a problem with you putting an anchor and/or a shark on all of your shirts. There are so many different things you could possibly have on a metal shirt that haven't been done yet (ie. I have yet to see a Telletubbie with a chainsaw) and would be 'totz brOOtal' (the Telletubbie again) that bands should really start using their thinking hats and putting some creative stuff on their t-shirts. I mean, deathmetal is pretty much a joke anyways and Cannibal Corpse can get away with actually calling an album 'Kill' so why can't All Shall Perish put a friggin' Telletubbie with a chainsaw on one of their t-shirts?
Bands to avoid: As I Lay Dying, Parkway Drive, Bring Me The Horizon (etc etc etc)

The Gaslight Anthem "The '59 Sound"

The West Virginian rain comes fast and heavy on the cloth top of my Lincoln as I spark a cigarette and push the motor into a roaring crescendo. Getting away isn’t as easy at seems when you dream constantly of what you left behind, but the taste of the open road does its best to soothe my regret. The crackle of the FM radio and Bruce Springsteen provide a bittersweet accompaniment to these thoughts, resonating in the gap left by girls, sleepless nights and too many cigarettes. Every young man thinks they’re a god and inevitably end up hurt when fate tugs their ever-present humanity and reminds them that they do indeed have a heart.

Death isn’t a relevant consideration when faced with the opportunities of youth but every kid does eventually grow-up enough to wonder what song they’ll be buried to and how many of their childhood friends will be there to hear it. Old men should die, not kids who haven’t had the chance to pass their twilight years in a rocking chair listening to the classics and reminiscing of Saturday nights passed.

The rain subsides and I switch off the radio, left with only the hum of the Lincoln and its tales of love lost and backseat memories. It’s always easy to fall in love but much harder to fall back out, even furnished with the promises of freedom projected through celluloid fantasies. John Wayne never stings from leaving the safety of commitment and certainly never regrets his choice. Hopefully redemption will come before the grave when age convincingly argues that the indiscretions of youth can only be attributed to a fairly long learning curve.

The suitcase in my trunk rattles as I pass over an uneven patch of gravel, shuffling about my carefully arranged clothing and personal effects. Despite my increasing age and subsequent maturity I still find myself drawn to living the lifestyle of jeans, leather jackets and hair pomade, resolutely and defiantly unable to accept changing fashions.

The headlights reveal the state marker, ushering me into the potential of new lives forged far from what I should accept as home. Whilst this potential is promising I still doubt that even if I settled here, and became deserving of what I had, that I would ever find myself returning and defeating the self-proclaimed inadequacies in my hastily scribbled farewell.